My Heroin Detox(s) and My Relapse(s)

More than 50 percent of addicts relapse, or at least that is what they say. I guess that means I'm not alone in this. I know that addiction is a disease but I hate myself even more every time I relapse. I have gone through heroin detox seven times and I have relapsed seven times all at the same detox center. The detox center never told me I should be going to a inpatient treatment center after I finished my detoxification. I guess they never mentioned this to me because they didn't have a treatment center as part of their detox facility. They would lose me as a paying customer if I didn't keep relapsing and needing to go back to them every time to detox over and over again in the future.

Fortunately I found this site and one of the first things your help representative told me was that detox should always be followed with treatment. They also explained to me that the best treatment centers have their own detox right there too, so I wouldn't have to go to two different facilities to beat my heroin addiction.

Looking back on it all I try to recall exactly how it all began. The first time I shot up, I fell in love with it. I started experimenting with heroin by snorting it. But a drug buddy of mine was a shooter and he told me about how the high would be different if I was a shooter too. He was right. The high is indescribably more intense. I would shoot more than I ever snorted and much, much more often.

Years and years of shooting heroin destroyed my veins. That is such an obvious statement to make but when you're an addict, you're in denial about any destruction that you're imposing on your body because all you're doing is chasing is that first euphoric high. What your drug buddies and dealer never tell you is that there is a reason that they call it the first high. It is not the first, second, third, fourth, forty-fifth high. You will never have that first high again. But it takes a long period of sobriety to come to that realization.

I have always stayed through until the end of each of my heroin detox(s). Some people can only last a few days or a few hours and because of that, they do not get to feel the relief that comes with a fresh sobriety as I experienced each time I finished detox. Even less people, it seems, get to know what it feels like for that sobriety to age and grow up and live on its own to be an age older than your longest of year-long binges.

So how did I get there, you ask? How did I get to the point where I wanted to go to heroin detox for that seventh time? I woke up one day, fixing my morning hit and I couldn't hit a vein. I tried and tired and tried. I tried to hit a vein, any vein for a day and a half. I couldn't get that heroin into my system; I couldn't get that medicine into my system. I had involuntarily begun my own detox. I could feel the pain surging through my body. I was feeling nauseous. My hands and arms were shaking. My mom had walked into my apartment and found me keeled over in pain, tourniquet around my arm and a full needle between my fingers. I was sobbing just hysterically sobbing. So she drove me to my last heroin detox. There is a time and a place for everything. I truly believe that. I had given up trying to get a vein and I was exhausted with what my addiction was doing to me, let alone my poor mother.

Each day now I am grateful to your site that you opened my eyes and found me the right treatment center that successfully helped stop using heroin. Everyday now I work my steps and watch out for my triggers if they appear. I think what helps me the most personally is the harsh reminder that the heroin detox is more painful than the purest strain of chyna white heroin's most euphoric high.

Contact the National Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Information Center (NASAIC) anytime toll-free at (800) 784-6776 or through our online form, and we will recommend the leading drug and alcohol rehab centers for you or your loved one.

-->