I've always placed a high importance on discretion and privacy. Even during the lowest point of my pill dependency, I knew that I didn't want to go through my addiction or my recovery in public. I thought that since I was only using pills and not a more "dangerous" drug like cocaine or heroin or methamphetamine, that I could beat my problem by myself. But eventually I started drinking too and finally one day I got the nerve up to attempt using one of these at home detox kits I saw on the internet. After just 2 days of trying to detoxify myself in the "comfort" of my home, I gave up and immediately started using again. I'd been abusing prescription drugs and alcohol for about three years, and if this was the only way to get clean, I simply didn't want to. I was up round-the-clock, sweating profusely, coughing every minute of the day and had screaming headaches: "So this is what it felt like to feel better," I sarcastically quipped to myself. After almost four days of trying to weather this on my own, I relapsed and immediately fell back into my old routine.
I'd originally attempted to cease my prescription drug addiction and alcohol abuse to make my husband happy. While my drug use had taken its toll on my marriage, I was personally content maintaining my habit. When I relapsed I tried to convince both him and myself that my sheer attempt to get clean was enough to represent my commitment to our marriage. I refused to take my problems to a stranger who I thought would do little but lecture me, overcharge me and provide no real help. Up to this point, my husband had never walked out on me or spent the night anywhere but home, unless I was with him. So when he insisted we separate for a few months, I knew he was serious about me getting help.
I finally agreed to hear him out, and asked him to help me research some of the drug rehab centers in our area. I didn't want to be too far from our home. The problem was there were only two rehabs in our area and one of my close friends had already been to both of them and was still using. My husband convinced me that going to one of the best drug rehab centers was much more important than staying local and going to our local rehabs. I reluctantly agreed to go out of state to a place we saw a TV commercial for in that was in Florida and we had researched on the web.
Once I made it through the detoxification period, I knew I was more or less going to be OK. I'd gotten it into my head that detox was supposed to be the painful nightmare like I had experienced in my home. But the staff there was amazing and made the process as comfortable as possible by giving me medication and round-the-clock professional medical care. I completed my treatment program one week before my 47th birthday and I felt ten years younger blowing ou the candles on my cake when I got back home with my husband by my side again. I've been able to stay sober for the past 9 months and by the grace of my husband's love and the quality of my treatment experience.