Growing Up, Not Giving Up

In my experience, there really is no preparing for addiction treatment. You can pack whatever you think you need and tell yourself whatever you have to in order to stay motivated; but at the end of the day, it’s just you, your resolve and, God willing, a clinical team that actually cares about you. After going to four different treatment centers and failing, I thought I was a lost cause; that there was nothing left for me to do but just accept my fate and use coke until it killed me. My last relapse was the most cripplingly disappointing day of my entire life. Even though I was high out of my mind on Coke, I knew  exactly what it ultimately meant for my future.

I was as desperate a person as there could be and I looked for answers anywhere I could find them. I lost my job, my house, my wife and my family all in the span of two years. I went to church and begged God for a cure, but it never came. Then I remembered the saying that God helped those who helped themselves and tried taking my recovery into my own hands. My brain was constantly playing this twisted loop of disturbing images that I can thankfully no longer remember. There would be times when I’d be driving my car and be completely unaware of what I was doing—it was a nightmare.

My last attempt at inpatient drug rehab literally saved my life. I walked into the facility, half expecting to die while I was under their care. I thought if withdrawal didn’t kill me on its own, I’d probably wind up killing myself—I didn’t have much hope for my future. 219 sober days later, I’m here to say that being wrong never felt so good. This particular facility didn’t even seem to do anything special. They just helped me work through my issues and treated me like a person. Before I came here, I considered my addiction to be something that defined me, not something to overcome.

The simple power of self-worth is incredibly under rated. I started leveraging my confidence to push myself further and go without coke for longer and longer. My nightmares got less intense and, as of about six months ago, stopped altogether. I know that I still have a long way to go before I can say that I’ve “beaten” my addiction. I also know that it will always be something that I have to keep an eye on. But for the first time in years, I can see a life that doesn’t include the pain and indignity of coke addiction. This, alone, is enough to keep me going. 

Contact the National Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Information Center (NASAIC) anytime toll-free at (800) 784-6776 or through our online form, and we will recommend the leading drug and alcohol rehab centers for you or your loved one.