Can I Really Be Saved?

The answer to this question is “yes.” Take it from someone who spend 3 years lying, cheating, stealing and assaulting people to get what he wanted. I didn’t care about anything other than getting my next fix. It was a sickness, but I just embraced it as a lifestyle. I hated myself and I hated everyone around me. None of them offered the exhilaration or thrill that a hit of heroin did. If I was going to die, so be it; just let me die doing what I loved. I wasn’t looking for redemption because, for me, there was nothing to be redeemed for.

I became addicted to heroin when I was 19 years old. My older cousin got me hooked and overdosed a short time later, leaving me with a legacy of addiction and crippling grief. There didn’t seem to be any way out for me, so over time I just embraced my decline. After a while I didn’t even bother trying to hide my true intentions. When I made any sort of progress with my family, it was quickly derailed by my addiction. If I ever managed to meet a girl and start a relationship, my addiction quickly took care of it.

Lying became second nature to me and that wasn’t even the worst of it. There was violence (to myself and others), robbery, car accidents; everything you hear about in a Hollywood movie. When things were at their worst, there was just me and a gun that I got at a pawn shop. I was a one or two bad thoughts away from blowing my brains out, and that’s the truth. I fell asleep that night with the loaded gun in my hand. When I woke up the next morning, I knew it was time to get some help. I entered treatment a few days later.

When I entered rehab, I felt like I was taking my first positive step in three years. I was more honest with myself than I had ever been and I landed in one of the best inpatient drug rehabs in the state; but that still wasn’t enough. I had to fight tooth and nail to suppress my urges and withdrawal nearly killed me. One night I remember coming within inches of relapse when I was still in rehab. I talked myself into believing that the cure was worse than the disease. If I would have had a ride home or a way to contact my dealer that night, there’s no telling where I’d be.

The next morning, I felt ashamed that I was willing to throw it all away, and I let that feeling dictate my actions going forward. I’ve been clean for little over 19 months. As each person goes through the recovery process, they have that pivotal moment in which they ask themselves if it’s worth it. Take it from someone who spent years crawling through the mud of addiction and came out on the other end: it IS worth it and so are you. 

Contact the National Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Information Center (NASAIC) anytime toll-free at (800) 784-6776 or through our online form, and we will recommend the leading drug and alcohol rehab centers for you or your loved one.

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